Toulouse killings: 11 years later, the moving testimony of a parent of a student

Erick Lebahr is the father of three children. On March 19, 2012, like every morning, he accompanied his 13-year-old daughter to the Ozar Hatorah Jewish school, where Mohammed Merah cowardly murdered a teacher and three children. Eleven years later, he returns to this tragedy...

Jérôme Goulon: It will be 11 years since Mohammed Merah committed the attack at the Jewish school in Toulouse. Last January, an individual appeared wearing a Mohammed Merah flocked football jersey in the streets of the city. What does this inspire you?
Erick Lebahr: A deep desolation and living proof that things have gotten worse since that day of March 19, 2012. This also confirms the fact that, as we suspected at the time, a certain number of young people from the cities are voluptuously incarnating themselves in this repulsive figure of this child murderer.  

Did you foresee the other attacks that followed, like that of the Bataclan? 
Yes. We had already alerted public opinion, at the time, that this hatred would not stop at Jews alone. We were the first concerned at the beginning, a preferential target. And then, gradually, the target widened to become universal, to the point where it now concerns almost everyone. The facts unfortunately proved us right, in hindsight. At the time, we felt really alone and we only felt relative solidarity.

In your opinion, has that changed?
There was nevertheless a general awareness. However, even today, I happen to see certain press articles inaugurating this sequence of Islamist terrorism with the attack on Charlie. These articles completely obscure the attack on the school of Toulouse. This type of concealment hurts enormously. Some people seem to have forgotten that this interminable sequence started there, in fact…

Let's come back to this individual who printed his football jersey in the name of Merah. From a legal point of view, what is the risk? 
This is very clearly a criminal offense. It is an apology for terrorism, incitement to hatred. He risks a maximum fine of 100 euros and a maximum of 000 years in prison. But we know that judges rarely apply the maximum provided for by the Penal Code, especially in this type of delinquency. We are in France, aren't we... In my opinion, there is not enough severity on the part of many magistrates in handing down sanctions. Often, judges are reluctant to sanction the crime of anti-Semitic speech.

Why you think ?
For the judges, these are just words. Of course, words are not actions. But words can kill! Words can arm the arms of assassins. They will sometimes be more inclined to understand the genealogy of the assassin, his unhappy childhood, the sociologizing explanation or other. On the other hand, it is better not to talk about the systemic problem of the non-execution of numerous sentences in France, which has multifactorial explanations. 

What should be done to avoid this type of provocation? 
Judges should be well aware of the fact that certain words, certain gestures, certain acts can influence future apprentice assassins, that they are not trivial. But I also know that our justice system is overwhelmed. There are not enough magistrates. Especially since delinquency has exploded exponentially. 

Prison sentences are not dissuasive enough?
Prisons are full and sentences are sometimes not carried out. Also, in the absence of a sufficiently ambitious prison construction program, judges received instructions of relative leniency from the chancellery. And to favor alternative sentences to prison. Today in France, an offender sentenced to up to two years in prison will systematically be offered an electronic bracelet instead. And I can tell you from experience that the offenders concerned laugh about it when they don't wear their bracelet with pride! We must urgently rediscover the sense of authority, of dissuasion, of the exemplary nature of the sentence.

That being said, I am not for everything repressive either. There is also fundamental groundwork to be done in schools, in the long term. But faced with the decline in academic standards and the decline in the authority of teachers in schools, there is really reason to be very pessimistic for the future. 

We are going to go back 11 years, to this tragic day at the Ozar Hatorah school in Toulouse, where Mohammed Merah murdered a teacher and three children. Your daughter attended this school. Tell us…
That morning we were a minute late. It saved us, probably... I brought my 13-year-old daughter to this school every day. On March 19, I was ready, but she wasn't. I told her: “Hurry up my daughter, we’re going to be late!” » And then she answers me: “Wait Dad, I’m going to change my shirt! » It lasted a minute... And we arrived on the scene a minute after the killing. It had just happened...

What did you see when you arrived?
We were stopped almost at the gate. There were bodies, lying in that exact spot where I usually drop my daughter off. I really feel that this little delay miraculously saved us.

And your daughter, how did she experience this event?
Arriving in front of the school, faced with this sad spectacle, I promptly told my daughter to get on her stomach in the car. For my part, I went down to see if I could do anything, but there was nothing more to do, unfortunately.

Time then seemed to stand still, interminably. Indeed, in front of and behind my car, there was a vehicle hastily abandoned by their occupants. No doubt under the influence of panic. We were therefore inevitably stuck, with the pervasive feeling of still imminent danger. We didn't really know what was happening. Maybe the killer could come back at any time? 

You didn't flee the scene?
No. I don't know why, but instead of running away, I stayed. As for my daughter, she also stayed in the car. I wanted to understand. The gate was closed and there were bodies in front, lifeless. 

Did you know the victims well?
Above all, we knew little Myriam Monsonego, the director’s daughter, very well. She was my daughter's little mascot. Every morning we arrived at the same time, and my daughter used to give him a hug. 

What did your daughter say to you following this tragedy?
In the car, between us, silence. A screaming silence. The words remained buried in their prison, like prisoners of an impenetrable matrix. A little later we returned home. My daughter spontaneously went up to her room. She said a prayer there and came back down. Then she asked me, implored me even, to never speak of this traumatic event between us again. And we never talked about it again, not even for a second. Between us, in any case, it would have been impossible to verbalize and formalize in words what we had seen. Since then, there has remained a taboo between the two of us in this regard. 

Were the children at school followed after this tragedy?
Yes, there was a psychological unit inside the school. My daughter went there once, then she ended it. She told me it was no use to her.

And you, I imagine it was difficult to live with...
Yes, a kind of inner chaos. A double earthquake, in fact. This explosion was in fact exacerbated by the fact that I had been, more than a year previously, the lawyer, albeit ephemeral, of the assassin. Let me not say his name! A few days after the tragedy, on television, I learned his identity. And there, I admit, I collapsed. There are limits to what a consciousness can bear. At that point, mine were probably overstepped. 

What case did you defend Merah on?
He was just out of prison, and he was working in a body shop. He felt that because of this he was being exploited by his employer. So I defended him in terms of labor law, which is my specialty. I received it twice, at my office. In hindsight, the memories of these interviews send shivers down my spine. I prefer not to dwell on this subject. But in fact, the procedure was not carried out, because he disappeared from the radar. I learned long after that he had gone to Jihad training camps in Afghanistan. That's when I completely lost sight of him...

Are you still in contact with Myriam’s dad? 
Yes of course. Between us, there is a friendship, which goes even beyond friendship. We are inextricably linked for life...

Did you manage to get back on top after this ordeal? 
At the beginning, for several months, it was very difficult. But over time, what emerged was the irrepressible desire to fully savor all the beautiful things in life. With accuracy, with fervor... The tenfold desire to be moved by everything... Of the blossoming of spring, of all these ephemeral joys that life gives you... Of the marriages of children, of the birth of grandchildren, these promises of dawn. And a furious desire to find resonance in harmony with the world.

Certainly, sometimes, painful images and flashes still surface... Sometimes even at unexpected moments, happy moments. And sounds also buzz from time to time, a bit like the whispers of ghosts. This is how. But that doesn't stop us from being happy and living our lives. I believe that life is in the DNA of the Jewish people. Life starts again and again. Like poetry, like a flight of swallows...

And your daughter, how is she today?
She wanted to stay in this school until her BAC. Then she told us of her desire elsewhere. Another painful moment. I wanted so badly to hold her. But we can do nothing against the impetuous waves of a torrent. Her need to escape was built underground, because she didn't talk to us about it. To give myself courage, I reread the philosophers. Khalil Gibran wrote: “If you love the archer, rejoice in the arrows that fly. » Our children certainly do not belong to us, but she was still only a “baby”.

Have you maintained links with the Ozar Hatorah school? 
I invested a lot in the school. At each commemoration, I gave numerous interviews. I made it a duty. Above all, I became closer to Myriam’s parents. So of course the words fly. I don't know any that really consoles... It's a tragic story that is part of us. We have to live with it.

How do you judge the fact that Éric Dupond-Moretti, the Minister of Justice, was the lawyer for Mohammed Merah's brother, Abdelkader Merah?
It's deeply disturbing... I think he hasn't really taken on the role of a Minister of Justice. He remained, deep down, the lawyer of the delinquents. In reality, what shocked me was not that he defended Abdelkader Merah, but the fact that he said that he had done it with honor.

A final word to finish…
What I would like to say and what we can be proud of is that the school has remained a center of excellence. The director is still there. Life has regained its rights. Every spring, the trees bloom again. There are children running, playing, singing. We ourselves have resumed our lives. A different life, but we continued to live and ultimately, it was the victory of life over barbarism. It is the victory of light over darkness... Indeed, the nights will never surpass the days. The twilights will never conquer the dawns.